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Archive for October 6th, 2008


Monday, October 6th, 2008

Sometimes you have an affection for an inanimate object far beyond what can be explained. Sometimes that thing has meaning and symbolism in it that no-one else sees. Sometimes you pretend to yourself it doesn’t matter because it is just an inanimate object, and an imperfect one at that. Only you understand its value, nobody else notices.

Sometimes you lose the object. Sometimes you grieve. Big deep belly sobs, pacing the floor anguish. Obsessing the mind with its loss for days. Powerlessness is the theme of your life as you consider how you could have changed what is now unchangeable.

Sometimes you lose many things in a short time. Lose a friend (who must be mourned), lose the best summer of your life, lose an inanimate object? And the losses, though unequal, roll up into one big ball which is impossible to swallow whole… and which makes it hard to go forward.

But it’s just an inanimate object. If only I could tell my heart and mind to shut up…

I have so much work to do. I don’t have time for this.