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Archive for May 12th, 2009

A Wake Up, a Memory

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

My life has never been better. My existance is not glamorous, it is not fancy. This life is on the order of “just folks,” and unfortunately too much complaining… about things that in the end do not matter.

I do work I love, I am surrounded by people I care about and who care deeply for me… and my husband loves me. What else could I want?

Humans are idealists, when it comes down to it. I find myself worrying about money or complaining that I have too much to do. I think that is because I often believe that there is such a thing as “perfect.”

Perfect is not a useful concept in a real life, it drains my energy and keeps me focused on what is NOT rather than what IS. And what is, I find to be quite satisfying today.

I do my best to focus on balance… and excellence when it is called for, but not that elusive and impossible thing called “perfect.” The pursuit of perfection decreases my happiness, and thus it is not worth that cost.

Passionate people always have a to-do list that is too long. I need to live with the confidence that being passionate is better than being bored. And learn to manage that to-do list as best I can.

So I walked down the sidewalk last week, and I saw this:

violetwiththistle400.jpg

A thistle plant growing in a small crack, in a driveway… shadowing over a small violet. The violet is blooming, in spite of the less-than-welcoming soil space and the thistle.

It reminds me of myself, just after my divorce in 1991. I learned to bloom, to find the nourishment where I could get it.

If “a picture paints a thousand words,” this photo is a short story about LynnH in 1991-1992. The thistle is my history at that point, a series of unwise but well-meaning choices over the course of 16 years (starting when I was far too young to choose well). One photo can replace ten pages of text here.

I worked hard to learn new ways of choosing. I did a lot of reading and learning and exploring. I did not want to repeat the same mistakes. I needed to learn the word “boundaries” as a way of keeping healthy. It was a lot of work, but that same idealist in me believed that I could change my life. It was worth all the effort.

In the end, I found a new life, new friends, “new” husband (12 years now) who is the best partner ever, even a new kind of relationship with my family.

I have nothing to complain about today.