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Archive for April 29th, 2010

Taking My Own Words to Heart

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

I just found a photo of a card I wrote to a friend a year back. She was leaving her life in Michigan behind and starting over in a far away state.

changebringsuscloser

I airbrushed out her name, but the essential message is there.

“Remember, change brings us closer to our true selves.”

I believed it then, and I still do. My divorce in 1991 was the worst/best thing I’ve ever gone through, but I discovered who I was in the process. I did not call myself an artist before that time.

Losing my father still grieves me. I was 14, he was 40, it’s still a crying shame 30+ years later. However, I learned so much from that… particularly, that people are the riches in our lives… not the stuff. It comes down to who you love, in the end.

And being put on total voice rest for 31 days, being silent and feeling invisible? It gave me empathy and compassion for others who endure those conditions permanently. I am still changed from that month, even though it was 15 years ago.

The failure of my JoyBug’s engine and subsequent choice to replace that engine, has changed my reality overnight. It’s another moment where it feels like life changed the channel on me when I blinked. For at least a year, I will be making conscious choices to rebuild the funds it took to do that.

However, I have been poorer than I am now before. I am happier and richer in friends and lifestyle than ever before. I have resources from which to work. I can do without some things I was enjoying as small luxuries.

I am self-employed. This means I can not be laid off. I may have less business in one place, but I have the freedom to figure out where else I can work. I will not get “rich” in a money sense, but I have never been hungry and do not expect that now. I already am abundantly rich in the things that matter to me.

I am grateful I was able to pull off a new computer and an iPod Touch last year. They will last longer than my austerity period, I believe.

The car’s engine had just short of 150,000 miles on it and now it’s under 80,000 miles, with a 6 month warranty. I had not experienced car payments since 2004.  In a way, we  just bought a “new” car for ourselves, but with the familiar comfort intact. (Comfort to me, anyway… Brian prefers a different sort of car, but only gets in one when we sing together or travel together to visit family.)

JoyBug150000(The odometer turned over to 150,000 miles yesterday, in front of my friend’s house, on my street. Here she is at 150,000 miles, on a gorgeous, sunny, crisp spring day!)

I have been giving away clothing already, and I have a lovely stock of yarns from which to design new patterns. We eat relatively frugally already, and the quality of food in this house is premium.

So, I again will remind myself that “Change brings us closer to our true selves.” It has definitely been true for me before. This sort of discovery venture is a good place to be.